Sound Check: Toronto SX Fan Guide

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Nope, you live in Canada, but thanks to the whole JAM Sports/AMA/Clear Channel brewhaw of a few years ago, you guys get to have a round of what is, arguably, the premier motorcycling championship, come up there and make the whole “an FIM World Championship” tagline seem at least semi-legit. So you should all be thanking the FIM for making this possible (except if you live in Vancouver, where you should all be admonished for getting a World Supercross round and NOT SHOWING UP for two years. (Good job, you bunch of drug smoking, tree loving, hippies.) Try to relate the FIM to that rebel uncle that you had as a kid that never grew up, and then when you saw him, he gave you money, took you to get Slurpees and was like a cooler older brother. Then he went away for seven to ten years and you’re thankful that you’re dad never acted like that. Well, that’s the FIM for you; they show up and grant you the TO SX and then have nothing to do with you (or your country) ever again.

My favorite thing about the Toronto supercross is all the CMA guys getting to have their primo white “Referee” jumpsuits dry cleaned and hemmed up so that they can come out for their one race a year. The AMA guys love this and I also love the antiquated scoring of the CMA sheets. No lap times, no splits, nothing like that--just the finishing order and the total time it took each guy to complete the race. Next to the white suited refs, I like going to the Hockey Hall of Fame, Wayne Gretzky’s and just being in the same city that the Maple Leafs are in.

Now I present to you Canadians, a guide to the SX riders and why you should and shouldn’t cheer for the riders you see this weekend....

Chad Reed
Why you should: Because you like Suzuki’s. You like foreigners coming into America and doing really good (like Alexander Ovechkin). You like the underdog winning. Any guy that has two earrings worth more than the Rogers Centre is cool. You like that he can’t pronounce “America." You’re a fan of Outback steakhouse and kangaroos.

Why you shouldn’t: Because you don’t like Suzuki’s. You enjoy Americans winning an American series. You think he’s brash and cocky. Because you think he doesn’t like puppies. Because him and I used to not like each other very much when we were at Yamaha (that fact could actually be in the upper category for some of you).

James Stewart
Why you should: You appreciate the fact that he can do things on a motorcycle that no one else ever has. You like seeing the prodigiously talented ones succeed. Because he’s a different colour than you. You like the Bon Jovi opening ceremony video. His team manager, Larry Brooks, raced the 1986 Winnipeg Arenacross and therefore, is .000001% Canadian. You like to see the underdog win the title.

Why you shouldn’t: When he wins, it looks like it comes easy and you want your winners to look like they are trying. Because you hate carburetors.  You think he’s going to win everything once he figures out how to stay on two wheels so why not boo him now?
 

Chad Reed (1) and James Stewart (7) are ready to relive their epic battle from Toronto 2007 this weekend. Remeber when Stewart mis-shifted on the face of the finish line jump, Reed bumped into him, knocking Stewart off the track and taking off for the win. Meanwhile, Stewart was slammed into by Travis Preston after returning to the track without looking but still finished third behind RC? What a race, eh?

photo: Steve Cox

Ryan Villopoto
Why you should: You appreciate that he rides outdoors which is what real men do. You like the fact that he’s been billed the “next one” and you want to get on the band wagon early. He’s pretty much scandal free. He doesn’t like Mike Alessi. Because you like Kawasaki’s. You admire his “pin it to win it” style.

Why you shouldn’t: You like your race winners to actually talk. He’s about as exciting as that black sweater your Aunt Beatrice got you last Christmas. He’s been sick lately and missed the last race and you don’t want to get his autograph because you might get whatever he has.
 

Andrew Short
Why you should: You like your winners to be as friendly as the guy delivering your pizza. You like Honda’s. You own a Honda car or mower. You like his aggressive nature. You want to see a guy win his first ever supercross in Canada, therefore making your country a nice memory to him for the rest of his life. His mechanic “Gothic” Jay never wears short sleeves and you’re into that. He wouldn’t say “poop” if his mouth was full of it. You like Machine Racing and they sell Honda’s just like what Andrew rides.

Why you shouldn’t: Your Accord sucks and is always in the shop. You think he’s a dirty rider and you hope he “gets his." You think he’s fake and actually goes home and pulls the hair off kittens. You don’t want him to win his first SX in Canada because that means Keast didn’t win. You got hung up on by John Nelson when you called Machine Racing asking for a new powerband for your `98 CR80.
 

Tim Ferry
Why you should: He’s not racing due to injury but if you cheer real loud, he’ll be able to hear it in Tampa. He’s a good guy that got screwed by gravity. You like your riders old. Like “Golden Girls” old.

Why you shouldn’t: There is absolutely no reason to not cheer for him.
 

Kyle Keast
Why you should: He’s Canadian, duh. He likes Tim Hortons coffee and eats Timbits from there like they're crack cocaine. He has a real job during the week, welding or some crap like that. His dad, Jamey, wrenches for him and they get into arguments which are comically fantastic. He’s nicknamed “The Dozer” so maybe he can actually do something about the crappy dirt that you’re all going to see this weekend.

Why you shouldn’t: You HATE Tim Hortons. You don’t want to see a Canadian rider do well because you’re an American reading this. He’s not going to win and will be in tough to make the main so you don’t want to be cheering for a guy who’s mid-pack in the LCQ. You think that a dude working forty hours a week who's Canadian national #5 is not deserving of your cheers because you’re from BC.
 

Brady Sheren was the top Canadian in TO last year, finishing fourth behind a trio of Butler Brothers. The field will be tougher this year, but after qualifying for a main event on the West Coast, Sheren has what it takes. The only thing that could slow him down would be if his mechanic Kyle "Bubbles" Patten's frizzly hair gets caught in his spokes.

photo: James Lissimore

Jason Lawrence
Why you should: Because he adds a a little more, actually, a lot more, excitement to supercross. You like dudes who are slackers and can still ride a bike really, really fast. You follow the message boards and are a select few who don’t want to burn him on a cross. You’re going to party with him on Friday and Saturday night! Your hero is Spicolli. You admire his entrepreneurial spirit in starting up his own team.

Why you shouldn’t: Because you don’t want to waste your time cheering for a guy who probably won’t show due to that pesky border crossing thing. Ryan Dungey is your motocross Jesus. You think any kid with long hair is going to steal your wallet. Because you think he’s a slacker who doesn’t try.
 

Tyler Medaglia
Why you should: He’s Canadian, duh. You like guys with nicknames like T-Dags. You like the fact that he came out of almost nowhere last year to finish #3 in Canada. You live near or ride at Sand Del Lee and he’s the fastest rider ever in the world. He’s a Canadian that’s never afraid to line up on an off weekend and race the best in the USA. He’s a regional Arenacross champion. His dad got banned from being anywhere but in the mechanics area for his baseball style signs he would give T-Dags last summer. You’re Kevin Tyler and you sell hot dogs.

Why you shouldn’t: You think that a dad giving a son baseball type signs in the middle of the race isn’t funny like I do. You think he hasn’t earned his #3 ranking in Canada as he didn’t pay his dues. You like Jer-Bear (his brother) better. You think Andre, his OTSFF team manager, looks too much like the janitor from Good Times.
 

You know what? Tyler's father Derek's chef hat would match perfectly with the CMA uniforms (in background).

photo: James Lissimore

Paul Carpenter
Why you should: He’s a past Canadian champion. He is one tough, gnarly dude. His team manager is Canadian. Because he’s racing in Canada this summer with his teammates, Bobby Kiniry and Jack Carpenter. He’s a guy who grew up not far from the Canadian border (NY). He wears Moose gear in America and Shift gear in Canada and you like weird deals like that. Ex-Cernic's rider, Dusty Klatt, might have left some pug hair in the riders lockers upstairs. If you don’t cheer for him, he might beat you up.

Why you shouldn’t: He’s an American that won the Canadian title in the past. His fans call him “Paulie” and you can’t bring yourself to cheer for a guy that’s called that. He thought he crossed a “river” to get from Vancouver to Nanaimo the year he raced up there and you don’t like riders that don’t know their Canadian waterways.
 

Mike Alessi
Why you should: You have a very good chance to be cheering for a guy up front because he’ll get the start. You like his friendly, never give up style. You think that he’s a real man because he loves the outdoors. You know that this summer you can tell your buddies that you were cheering for him in Toronto because you knew he’d be up front in a couple of months. You watched that Youtube crash of his last year and have always cheered for guys that escape death.

Why you shouldn’t: You can never forgive him for whatever the hell that was at Glen Helen years ago. You think his dad’s crazy. You like your newsletters to have proper grammar. Because he’s a young kid that’s had everything handed to him his whole life. You never got a refund on that “Believe the Hype” shirt you bought.
 

Rather than give someone a tongue lashing off the track, Andrew Short will just give them a wheel-lashing on the the track. The God fearing rider from Colorado sits, quietly, third in the points.

photo: Steve Cox

Brady Sheren
Why you should: He’s Canadian, duh. He’s giving up on Canada and trying his hand at American racing. He always looks like he just got home from a rave. He’s a stylish and very good technical rider. He posts on mxforum.com. Because you used to race against his dad. Because Hammertime told you to. You’re a fourteen year old girl and you think he’s cute. He’s probably going to do the best out of all the Canadian riders.

Why you shouldn’t: He’s giving up on Canada and trying his hand at American racing. His dad beat you in the 70’s and you’re still mad about it. Sheren has had quite a few seasons racing in America and hasn’t done anything yet. You’ve never forgiven him for not “friending” you on Facebook.
 

Kevin Windham
Why you should: He’s a good guy that’s gotten a ton of second places. He makes it look effortless. He’s a vet age racer still able to hang with the kiddies. He’s one of the last of the old school guys. With the dirt being what it is this weekend, he might do well with the ruts and technical aspect of the track.

Why you shouldn’t: He makes it look effortless, and, therefore, makes it seem like he’s not trying. He actually doesn’t try sometimes. He’s got a house the size of the Rogers Centre and you’re jealous. If he tried, he could pick up your girlfriend/wife pretty easily.